This week I realized something pretty scary, during the
beginning part of the week a lot of our lessons when I went to go teach the
words would catch in my mouth and when I did speak It always came out
confusing, so I really had to look at my life and found that a lot of the
problem had been that I was neglecting my studies, the spirit had not been able
to come into my life as strong because I was not creating an environment where
it could thrive, this had several negative effects in my ministry, I became
less confident, confused as to the things I was teaching, I began to doubt a
few things that I believed... and I realized that neglecting even a few days
worth of study can lead to these things and It scared me into re evaluating not
only how I was studying but why I was doing studies in the first place, was it
because I was told to? or because I wanted the spirit that day? was it because
I was following a mission challenge or because I was honestly seeking the
truths found in the Book of Mormon and the Bible? I hope that everyone can
learn from my experience and recognize that without the small and simple things
we would be open to all the shafts that Satan is throwing at us daily.
Another thing I seem to be struggling with at this current time
is Charity, I have realized that I get frustrated with many things people do,
missionaries, people, right now I hesitate to talk to people who claim a
certain religion, there is a specific denomination which preaches Anti Mormon
sermons and they love to take our time and debate as to religion and relate
opposing views to convince us of our devilish ways, and whenever I come in
contact with them I struggle to share our beliefs because I know that it will
most definitely lead to a confrontational experience. I fear that at every
moment Satan is doing anything and everything in his power to negate the effect
of God on this world and to the few faithful he will try everything to stop
them from sharing the Gospel. And it is worse that we relate outcomes on past
experiences, if those past experiences of sharing the Gospel have been negative
then there is a fear that comes into sharing the gospel.
This week I have been surviving on Hot Pockets and eggs...
its not that I have not money, it is that
1. I have developed a "quick" meal mentality and
that has kept me from buying any time consuming ingredients
2. My mind shuts down when i shop.
3. I am not good at planning my shopping list.
any tips for shopping?
Other then that my companion is getting really trunky as he
is on his last three weeks and a few of the members here have found my
weakness, as they relate superhero lore and future movies, that make me pretty
excited, they also get my companion sent into a trunky wave.
If you want a few more details all you gotta do is ask. I am
not really good at thinking about my week on my own. :)
From Dad:
Shoot Josh,
Sorry I didn't get a letter off and this is probably too
late. I'll send some info anyways so you get it next week.
It's been a crazy week in many ways. From a flooding
basement to end of the year concerts and Seminary graduation, we've been
running a lot.
I'm grateful you are recognizing the times when you need to
improve and are taking steps to do it. I need to follow you example. I'm not
studying as consistently as I need to lately either and it does make a
difference.
I don't think there is anything wrong with being wise about
who you look to share the gospel with. You are there to find and teach those
whom the Lord has prepared. Discerning by the spirit those who are more
interested in berating and bashing than learning and accepting the gospel is
part of your calling. Recall the story of Alma as he taught the people in Alma
32 when he turned away from those who weren't ready to hear and instead taught
those who were humbled and ready.
Last week, Ben competed and did well in provincial festival.
He was very relieved to be done piano competitions for the year. I was proud of
him. I had an awkward parent moment during the performance. I hadn’t listened
to the whole Beethoven piece end to end very many times, and when Ben completed
one movement and was about to move into the next of his first piece, I thought
he was done and needed to wait for the adjudicator to make notes so I began
whispering almost unconsciously “Wait, wait”. It caused Ben to look up in a bit
of confusion before he went ahead and finished the second movement. I was quite
embarrassed and ducked my head a little and thought that there is always
endless opportunities for humility!
He had a fun chance to play his “fun” songs (Root beer rag,
Lost Boys, Waterfall) during his school choir concert at Hawerlak park in front
of about 200 people! He was asked to do some preview music before the concert
and he played “Lost Boys” and “Waterfall”. I was a little disappointed that he
didn’t play “Root
Beer Rag” by Billy Joel, as he had never had a chance or forum to play it,
until I learned that he would be playing again while they took down the Jazz
band setup. His teacher, Mr. Steinwinkl stood up and announced to the crowd
“Who wants to hear Ben Smith play again?” This was greeted by a chorus of
cheers and Ben sat down, tested the volume on the piano and proceeded to let
his fingers fly! He was so into it he barely noticed that the choir was ready
to start and had to get a cut off signal from his teacher before ending it a
little early. The crowd cheered and some stood up and gave him a partial
standing ovation. He cooly acknowledged the applause and took his place in the
choir. It was a fun, proud parent moment.
Last Wednesday, I had a frustrating evening as none of the
Priests showed up for our canoeing activity on Wizard Lake. So I sent a few
text messages and Sam and I went Canoeing anyways. I sure love your brother
Sam. He’s going to make a great missionary. He was called on to report his
experience going to a fireside with Elder Ballard on Saturday on the spur of
the moment in church and didn’t even hesitate and did an amazing job.
(I’m not a very good selfie taker. I can’t seem to avoid the
double chin affect 😊 )
We also enjoyed going to Abby’s end of year concert for Acro
Dance. She did well and I was blown away at how much she’s grown up and looks
like a YW now. Especially with make up!
As for your question about shopping and eating, I probably
wasn’t much better. I ate mostly potatoes and hamburger gravy on my mission
with Poutine and cheese toast hot dogs supplementing. Hopefully member meals
help with the nutrition! Just remember how closely our bodies and spirits are
connected! Taking time to rejuvenate the body with good food will help your
body and by extension your mind, thoughts and ability to teach by the spirit.
I’d challenge you, Josh, to lead out and help your companion
finish strong to the end. These are the most effective weeks and months of your
mission. You have learned by your own experience the ups and downs, how to
teach by the spirit. Show the Lord you are “All In” and willing to serve him
with all your heart, might, mind and strength to the end.
You’re an inspiration and a blessing to us as a family.
Because of your choice to serve, your siblings will serve and the blessings of
the Gospel will continue in our family “for all generations of time and
throughout all eternity”.
We are sending your license so when you get it make sure the
Mission President knows so you can drive again 😊
Love,
Dad.
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